{"id":18179,"date":"2023-04-11T08:23:36","date_gmt":"2023-04-11T08:23:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tukitco.net\/?p=18179"},"modified":"2023-04-26T21:51:41","modified_gmt":"2023-04-26T21:51:41","slug":"amoryrazon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tukitco.net\/en\/2023\/04\/11\/amoryrazon\/","title":{"rendered":"Love and reason: how to balance emotions and logic in love"},"content":{"rendered":"
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This article means a lot to me.\u00a0<\/span>If you have read the article: "What happens when we love too much?", you will be able to sense that something happened in my life that led me to suffer loving too much. Well, that's how it is, and here I try to explain my learning and what has led me to understand part of what happened, in case it can somehow inspire your life or that of someone close to you.<\/span><\/p>

To begin with, it is not strange if I tell you that love chooses us. No.<\/strong>or we are always free to fall in love with whom we would really like, and sometimes we fall in love with someone we know is not the person we want as a life partner. <\/strong><\/span>That choice that love makes can be the appropriate one or, on the contrary, it can bring us numerous sufferings.<\/p>

Why do we have so little control in emotional matters, why can't we be more rational? What happens with the phenomenon of falling in love?<\/p>

For a long time, love was linked to the heart, as if this organ were the maximum -or probably the only- protagonist of the sensations experienced when falling in love. However, neuroscience has brought new truths.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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the science of falling in love<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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According to science, falling in love is a neurological process that occurs in the brain and involves different parts of it: tegmental area, nucleus accumbens, hypothalamus, prefrontal cortex, and amygdala. Releasing chemical compounds like dopamine and oxytocin.<\/span><\/p>

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In love, he tegmental area<\/strong> is activated generating dopamine<\/strong> (neurotransmitter related to pleasure, responsible for good humor). In it nucleus accumbens<\/strong> we find neurons endowed with dopamine receptors, acting as a mediator in the reward process. It is in charge of making us feel pleasure, pay attention and maintain the motivation to pursue and obtain rewards. <\/span><\/span><\/p>

Curiously, those same brain areas are the ones that are activated during drug use. The nucleus accumbens is related to pleasure and addictions, it provides us with a "shot" of happiness. Is that why love can be addictive? <\/span><\/span><\/p>

Have you experienced the feeling of being \u201chooked\u201d on that person? Hence the phrase: "Love is like a drug."<\/span><\/strong><\/p>

In turn, dopamine deactivates part of the prefrontal cortex<\/strong> of the brain, responsible for reasoning, risk analysis and decision making. It's like turning it off, so we stop seeing the flaws of that person we have fallen in love with and focus only on the good.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>

Has it ever happened to you that there are things that that person does that you don't like?<\/span> <\/strong>but do you feel like you don't process them and act like you don't really do them?<\/strong> This is where phrases we have heard many times come from, such as: \u201clove is blind\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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The chemistry of falling in love causes a part of the brain responsible for reasoning and decision-making to be deactivated<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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The hypothalamus<\/strong> generate oxytocin<\/strong>, hormone or neurotransmitter related to the feeling of trust, attachment and bond to other human beings. And it's oxytocin that makes the amygdala<\/strong>, zone of fear and defenses, "relax".<\/span><\/p>

Have you seen the things you would be able to do for love?<\/strong> We could say that falling in love makes us more intrepid people.<\/span><\/p>

And the latter, together with the action of dopamine, deactivating a part of the prefrontal cortex (responsible for analyzing risks and making decisions), means that during falling in love we live in a situation of certain blindness and a lack of logic and reasoning.<\/span><\/p>

Over time (it can be up to three years in women and a few months in men) the brain gets used to these feelings of being close to the person you love and\u00a0<\/span>dopamine is no longer the predominant neurotransmitter or hormone, giving way to oxytocin.\u00a0<\/span>In this way, since there is not this great generation of dopamine, the prefrontal cortex is reactivated and we begin to see things more logically\u201d.<\/span>\u00a0Although, beware, oxytocin has created and continues to create that attachment and bond to the other person.<\/span><\/p>

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An example<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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I remember one day, in our beginnings, that I went to look for him at the airport. He had come from a long work trip (they were two weeks that seemed like forever :)), I was looking forward to seeing him and I agreed to go look for him. I woke up at dawn, I arrived at the airport very sleepy but very excited to see him.<\/span> All that joint feeling made her not pay attention to where she had parked.<\/span><\/em><\/p>

When he arrived we hugged and hand in hand we went to the parking lot to get the car. When we got to the car park, I suddenly realized that I didn't know where my car was, and I said so: \u201coops, I don't know where my car is\u201d. And he rudely let go of my hand and said: \u201care you stupid or what! How do you not remember where you left the car? You are very stupid!\u201d And I told him with a nervous and embarrassed giggle: \u201cno, I don't remember, it's just that I came in half asleep and excited to see you and I didn't notice where I parked, I'm sorry\u201d. He answers me: \u201cYou can't be more retarded! And on top of that you laugh! Give me the car keys, now!<\/span><\/em><\/p>

Luckily I quickly found the car keys, because he was terribly angry. <\/span><\/em>He took the keys in a rude manner and left with his suitcase. He started walking fast and told me not to follow him. So I stayed there, waiting to see what was going to happen. <\/span><\/em>After a few minutes he appeared with my car, and stopped in front of me. He yelled at me: \u201cget on\u201d. I was there waiting, I was already sad, I was no longer excited, I remember being sad, very sad.<\/span><\/em><\/p>

Later he came: \u201cI'm sorry, I was tired and I wanted to leave\u201d, and once again, I, again, in love, wanting to think that what had happened, justifying his behavior because he was tired. Unfortunately, these types of situations were not isolated cases and without a doubt there was something in me that made me feel that I was not on the right path if I accepted this type of behavior from my partner in my life. But I preferred not to think too much and move on with the person who also made me feel wonderful moments. The dopamine had me in control.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>

Over time, when dopamine is no longer being produced in as many amounts, you can see things more clearly, and\u00a0that's when you know you have to let go because it's not that kind of constant suffering you want in your life, but on the other hand the oxytocin makes you feel very attached to it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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The message<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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My 18-year-old daughter was asking me: what can be done to not let dopamine get you hooked and to be able to make rational decisions?<\/span><\/p>

My answer is the following: know yourself well, know what you want in your life and what you don't want, make a list describing the limits that you set for yourself about what you accept in your life and what you don't. Only then, if you see them in writing and they happen to you, you will become more aware that you don't want that in your life and it will be more difficult for you to let dopamine blind you. <\/span>It is not easy to get out of that situation, but it is possible. It starts with you, getting to know yourself better, discovering all the value you have inside, because yes, you are a unique person. Analyze what makes you feel good and what doesn't, and set limits in your life, don't let anyone make you live the life you don't want for yourself or yours. \u201c<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/path><\/svg><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/path><\/svg><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tKnow more<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\n\t\t\t\t\t

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