How to fight together against violence?

I have decided to write this article because I feel the need to do my bit so that one day violence will not be necessary. I know it sounds utopian, but I always say that you have to believe it to create it. On the other hand, I am convinced that the only solution is education.

The evolution of science, and of life in general, now allows us to learn things that we were not taught in schools. Learning that leads us to a better accompaniment to our children, for their better emotional and cerebral development.

Regarding the education of parents to children, there is something that has always touched my heart: understanding what people consider discipline.

The word “discipline” comes from the Latin disciple, which means "disciple, pupil, student". Discipline can be understood as the practice to achieve a result in a coordinated and orderly manner. And discipline can also be understood, as is done in the military, as compliance with the rules of behavior to maintain order and subordination among the members of a body, in which absolute obedience is required.

I would like to understand What is discipline in the educational field for most people?. Is it a practice that demands obedience, and, if not, does it result in punishment? Or is it a practice of accompaniment in a coordinated and orderly manner based on affection, affection, respect, empathy, coherence and emotional connection?

for me without a doubt discipline in education must be related to teaching from affection, empathy, respect and connection with our children.  Making the bad behavior of our children situations to create skills and not generate fear.

Some fathers or mothers spend a large part of their day to day expecting their children to do what they want them to do, to shut up, to stop crying, not to have tantrums or get angry, to do their homework or stop fighting with their siblings... And for this they use punishment, yelling and some fathers or mothers even use physical aggression. 

For those who even consider whipping in discipline, I would say: Do you really want to show your children that the way to resolve conflicts is to cause physical pain to someone who cannot defend himself against you? Do you really think we should teach our children that the way to resolve conflicts is by hitting? Wouldn't you like to live in a less violent world? Do you think that educating with violence can lead to a less violent world?

And for those who go to the isolation of their children, locking them somewhere in the house, I would say: what do you want to achieve? Do you think that your son will calm down and reflect on his behavior feeling alone and that you are not by his side to help him? When a child is punitively isolated, what they are thinking is: “how bad is my “father or mother” for having punished me and locked me up here.” This type of punishment makes children more angry, with which they end up being less able to control themselves and think about what they have done.  

A discipline based on fear and punishment can be effective at the moment, but in the short and long term they do not serve the good development of our children. We are teaching them that power and control are the best mechanisms to get others to do what we want them to do.. With this type of discipline based on fear and control, the child does not learn what he can improve on, he only learns that not obeying leads to something he does not like, that hurts him and that he does not want for himself. We are teaching our children to obey, instead of learning to make decisions.

When we make children experience fear or pain, we provoke a more reactive and primitive response in our children's brains. And we do not allow the most receptive and reflective part of the brain to be activated and developed, which leads children to make healthier and more flexible decisions, as well as to better control their emotions.

Children must be able to be and feel at all times without being afraid of their parents' reaction or disapproval; Although they know that what they have done to the father or mother has not liked, they know that they are by their side to help them improve, from respect, empathy, connection, and not from resentment and control.

When a father or mother educates in fear, they make their child enter a state of confusion and disorganized attachment. The child wants to escape from the father or mother who generates fear or pain, but on the other hand, he looks for security in that attachment figure. An unsolvable paradox, generating stress, cortisol, in the child and causing negative impacts on their brain development.  

Children often engage in inappropriate behaviors because they have not yet developed the necessary skills. By behaving inappropriately, they are actually telling us what they need to improve on. Let's take advantage of these moments as opportunities for knowledge and growth.

In general, misbehavior is because a child has had a bad time in a certain situation, and feels these strong feelings that he does not know how to manage, and misbehavior occurs as a simple consequence of it.

His actions, especially when he loses control, are a message that he needs our help.. For this reason we must connect with him, so that he feels that he can have our help, even if we did not like what he has done. To connect we must empathize with him, validate his emotions from understanding, and from there we can talk about what has happened and how to improve it.

The primary objective of education should not be that our children do what we want them to do because we are watching them or telling them what to do; but it must be to get them to learn to make positive and productive decisions for themselves. When we give our son the opportunity to decide how he should act, rather than simply telling him what to do, he becomes a more responsible person when it comes to making decisions.

Many times we are the fathers or mothers themselves who act like this out of fear, thinking that, if we do not punish, we will scream, etc. we are going to fail as parents and it is going to get out of hand. Now I ask you: if you were certain that, educating without fear or control, if not from respect and empathy, you would be able to get children who are responsible with themselves and with others, would you do it? why do not you try it?

There are better alternatives than fear or physical or psychological punishment; alternatives linked to the behavior or needs of the child, alternatives that are based on principles that correspond to value systems and respect for our children, as individuals that they are. In future articles that I will write we will see examples of some of these alternatives. For the time being, here are some books that I think may be of use to you:Educate without losing your nerves” by Tania Garcia, “discipline without tears” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne, “The boy who defeated witches and dragons” by Fernando Alberca, “How to talk so your kids will listen and how to listen so your kids will talk to you” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, “The four key system” by Patricia Robledo and José Feliciano, “Foundations of nonviolent communication” of Pilar de la Torre.

I know that it is not easy to be a father or a mother, nobody taught us. The evolution of neuroscience and psychology give us the necessary information to better accompany our children in their best brain and emotional development. Why not spend some time learning how to do it better. It is the best investment you can make for your children. The sooner the better.

kitco products

KitCo Professional

Final price

119 €

Complete KitCo: Cards of Talents, Values and Emotions, with all the dynamics and games. Designed for personal development professionals or human resources. 

Professional KitCo It has two main functionalities:

(1) As a visual support tool to make your own dynamics as a professional. you have 135 cards with inspiring images on one side and the concept and definition on the other. 33 cards of talents, 50 cards of emotions and 57 letters of values. Available in several languages: Spanish, Catalan and English.

(2) As a tool to carry out different individual, groupal or team dynamics. You will find dynamics such as: discover your talents, discover your ideal profession, be aware of your genuine values ​​and how present you are in life, know the values ​​of your team or company that allow consistency in decision-making, find your «ikigai”, purpose in life, recognize and manage your emotions, dynamics of coherence with your essence, among others, etc.

Designed to carry out the dynamics from a complete reflection, converging the work of the right hemisphere (emotion, intuition) through the inspiring images of the cards, with the work of the left hemisphere (logic, reason) through the reading of the concepts and definitions.

Complete KitCo containing:

  • 33 talent cards
  • 1 talent test model
  • 57 value cards
  • 1 value test model
  • 50 emotion cards
  • 1 board – Emotional Map
  • 1 guide book of dynamics and games        (8 sets of emotions, dynamics of talents, dynamics of values, dynamics "discovering my profession", dynamics "coherence with my essence", dynamics "discovering my ikigai", Annex of talents vs professions, etc.)
  • 1 anti-stress rubber ball
  • Portable container case

Complete KitCo Video

Video of Emotions Cards

Video of “Emotional Map” Dynamic

Support video to fill in the Talent Dynamics template

NOTE: You will find this template in your link of downloadable files when making the purchase of KitCo.  

Support video to fill in the Dynamics of Values template. 

NOTE: You will find this template in your link of downloadable files when making the purchase of KitCo.  

Support video to fill in the template of the Dynamics of Coherence with Being.

NOTE: You will find this template in your link of downloadable files when making the purchase of KitCo.  

Soon new videos 🙂 

KitCo Families

Final price

89 €

Complete KitCo: Cards of Talents, Values and Emotions, with all the dynamics and games. Designed for families. The difference with respect to the professional KitCo is the way of approaching the dynamics described in Your KitCo Guide, as well as the language used. 

KitCo Families is an inspiring game to spend moments with your partner, family, friends, groups or teams that encourage the education of the self, through meaningful conversations and the practice of effective communication.

KitCo families provide a special connection between parents and childrenfriends or teams, discovering aspects of themselves and of others that they did not know and that are necessary for a life in harmony.

Until now, educational models have been based on education to acquire knowledge and skills to work. KitCo wants to introduce you in a playful, simple, creative and inspiring way to acquire knowledge and skills to be, improving satisfaction in your life with better mental health and better interpersonal relationships.

It is based on three fundamental aspects: talents, values and emotions; differentiating especially two blocks:

(i) a first playful block to play games with your partner, family, friends, group or team: game of emotions, game of values and game of talents.

(ii) a second block of reflection for individual self-knowledge with dynamics such as: discover your talents, discover your ideal profession, discover your ikigai, be aware of your genuine values that, having them present in your life, give you more satisfaction, learn to recognize the emotions in you and manage them etc.

KitCo Families contains:

  • 33 talent cards
  • 1 talent test model
  • 57 value cards
  • 1 value test model
  • 50 emotion cards
  • 1 board – Emotional Map
  • 1 guide book of dynamics and games        (8 sets of emotions, dynamics of talents, dynamics of values, dynamics "discovering my profession", dynamics "coherence with my essence", dynamics "discovering my ikigai", Annex of talents vs professions, etc.)
  • 1 anti-stress rubber ball
  • Portable container case

Complete KitCo Video

Video of Emotions Cards

Video of “Emotional Map” Dynamic

Support video to fill in the Talent template

NOTE: You will find this template in your link of downloadable files when making the purchase of KitCo.  

Support video to fill in the Values template. 

NOTE: You will find this template in your link of downloadable files when making the purchase of KitCo.  

Support video to fill in the template of the dynamics of Coherence with the Being.

NOTE: You will find this template in your link of downloadable files when making the purchase of KitCo.  

Soon new videos 🙂 

Emotions Game

Final price

35 €

KitCo with the game cards and Emotions dynamics (Talents and Values are not included).

The Emotions Game It is designed for anyone who wants to develop their emotional intelligence, or that of their children or teams. In starting by acquiring emotional language and recognizing emotions in oneself and in others in order to manage them. Improving both your mental health and interpersonal relationships.

The goal of the Emotions Game is to take a step forward in the development of emotional intelligence. To play both alone, as a couple, family, friends or team.

Contains:

  • 50 emotion cards with inspiring images on one side and the concept of emotion and its definition on the other.
  • 1 game board: Emotional Map
  • Instructions for 8 emotion games to play as a couple, family, friends or teams. For all ages, from children to teenagers and adults.
  • Individual dynamics for reflection.
  • In various languages: Spanish – English, Catalan – English, Spanish – Catalan.

The delivery time for KitCo products is from 24 to 48 hours, on working days.

Choose the language of your KitCo in the comments during the purchase process (Spanish – English, Catalan – English, Spanish – Catalan)

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