Adolescente archivos

January 23, 2021January 11, 2023

Letter to my teenage daughter to accompany her on the subject of alcohol.

“Honey, I understand that you are encountering or may soon encounter new situations that require you to make important decisions, such as the issue of alcohol. It would be useless for me to tell you not to drink, because you would not understand what I really want to convey to you; and in the end, either you would probably end up drinking and not telling me, or maybe you wouldn't drink for me, when it should be for you.

In previous generations we were not lucky enough to have neuroscientific information at our fingertips that would allow us to know the effects of alcohol on the brain in adolescence. Most of us had no more information than the misfortunes of serious accidents that can occur if you drink; and many times we blamed it on bad luck.

And what I would like to inform you is that beyond bad luck or not, there is a neuroscientific explanation that tells us what happens in the brain with alcohol in adolescence and the effects it can have on your life.

Let me show you this book: The Teenage Brain – Frances E. Jensen, and this University of Navarra video on the adolescent brain: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAOdnS39HiQ.)

This information has made me understand many things regarding the accompaniment of a teenage child in general. And I want to start by apologizing to you, now I am better able to understand your behavior and have more patience. Now I know that I can accompany you better, and I feel happy about it.

- Prefrontal part of the brain of an adolescent

Your brain is under construction and as such, the prefrontal part, the part of analyzing risks, planning, thinking clearly and making decisions, etc. which does not finish its maturation process until beyond 21 years of age. The fact that it is under construction implies that the wiring, the neural connections to this prefrontal part, sometimes work and sometimes not. So according to this neuroscientific information, sometimes your brain is prepared to be responsible and sometimes not, and it wasn't fair that I expected you to always be responsible, I'm sorry, honey.

That this part of the brain, so important for analyzing risks, is under construction implies that If one day you decide to drink alcohol and lose control drinking, your life will depend on your colleagues who will be in the same maturational brain stage as you.

And not because they are not good companions, but because they simply do not have this prefrontal part of the brain mature, they are probably not trained to make the best decisions about your health. What can imply that the fear of the anger of the parents / mothers prevents urgent measures to be taken to safeguard your life.

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December 14, 2020January 11, 2023

When your 6-year-old son asks you to help him improve the world

If you are a father or a mother and you think that to be a father or a mother you do not have to train, if you think that what you do is already good and that you need to learn little or nothing to better educate and accompany your children, I ask you, please , on behalf of my 6-year-old son Arnau, that you read this article.

A few weeks ago I was doing a job with the “canva” program. A program for designing presentations, publications on social networks, etc. that if you do not know I recommend you for being very easy, creative and intuitive. In this program, every time you download your work, an inspiring phrase appears that I usually read carefully.

I had my 6-year-old son Arnau on top of me, he usually likes to help me with my creative work. This time, making him a part of my work process, I read the inspiring phrase out loud: "Only the crazy ones who believe they can change the world are the ones who succeed." Steve Jobs.

I remained thoughtful, there was silence for a moment, I looked at Arnau who was in my arms, I looked at his face, he was looking at me without saying anything, he was just like me, observing in the silence. When I finally told her: "Well, honey, I must be crazy, because I want to change the world for the better." And I asked him: “Would you like to change the world for the better? He replied: "I do want to change the world for the better" and following the conversation I asked him: what do you think it takes to make a better world?

That moment became magical, it became one of those moments engraved in the heart, of those that you know that the day you disappear from this world will be part of your thoughts, and of those that make you fight for what you fight for every day.

Arnau, my recently turned 6-year-old son, answered: "Teach parents as they should teach their children." I have not changed a single word of what he said, as was his answer: "teach parents as they should teach their children." Arnau sensed that I wanted to know more, and immediately afterwards he told me: "Mommy, when I do something wrong, you teach me but you don't make me feel bad, and I learn and I don't feel bad, I feel good."

I don't know how to express what I felt, it was a mix between hope and pain. Hope because you know that part of what your life mission is makes sense, learning to educate and accompany my children, and pass on what you have learned in case it can be of use to other people. And pain to hear how a 6-year-old child, far from what we can think, values the importance of how parents teach (in their vocabulary), educate and accompany (in mine 😊) their children.

I want to be the voice of my son, I want to raise my voice loudly on his behalf, and that is why I have decided to write this article.

Father or mother who think that to educate and accompany your children you do not have to train, I hope you have come this far and you want to continue reading, I hope pYou can sow a seed in yourself, a seed that one day you will make bloom for yourself, for the good of your children, for a better world.. Making that seed flourish will not be an easy road, You'll have to get out of your comfort zone you will discover things about yourself that will hurt you, but that courage will be your power, a power that will allow you to accompany your children so that they are the best version of themselves, just like that, the best version of themselves.

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October 4, 2020February 11, 2021

Do you ask questions for your children or for yourself?

Have you stopped to think about how you ask questions to your teenage son? This was my reflection when I entered the world of coaching. Coaching is a tool that allows reflection and decision-making from our being. It uses a methodology based on powerful questions, questions asked with a certain structure that leads us to analysis and the search for answers within ourselves.

Coaching taught me to know how to ask, to know why I was asking questions, but above all, who I was asking questions for. And that is why I realized that when I asked my 14-year-old daughter Ariadna (in the photo with me :)) she did it for me, she asked to let me know and to be able to help my daughter to know what is right or what it's bad for your life. Until coaching taught me that the best help I can give my daughter is that she herself, with her reflection and response inside her, realizes what she deserves in life and the risks or benefits that can have depending on what decisions you make.

“Get ready to ask questions for your children and you will discover the empowerment in their personal development”

So I changed the way I asked her questions and communicated with her, I put aside my mental map and dedicated myself to asking her questions for her, so that she knows how to make her own decisions knowing the risks or benefits that may entail. , being her own advice for her the ones that have the most strength.

It is amazing the power we give our children when we ask for them. It is surprising the impact that we generate in them when they themselves are the ones who advise themselves or give their own answers, when it comes from within. Sometimes with certain questions that lead to reflection, they may not answer us, but the seed will be planted, the reflection will have begun, and that reflection will be for them, not for us.

In the adolescent age it is quite common that our children do not consider or internalize our advice; advice that usually goes in a direction contrary to what they need... they need to fly and we need to protect them... and it is difficult for us to connect with them or help them.

Think about what you are reading and get ready to start asking questions for them and not for yourself.

Some examples:

(i) Your daughter is starting to go out with a boy who you think might hurt her or lead her astray. What would you do?

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September 22, 2020January 11, 2023

The importance of the emotional brain in our children

Your child's brain as a baby already has practically all the neurons it will have when it grows up. The main difference between your children's brain and yours is that yours has already developed trillions of connections (sympases) between neurons thanks to learning from its life experience.

In the brain of your son or daughter, the reptilian and emotional brain (located in the lower part of the brain) are the ones that take the lead, while in yours the rational brain also intervenes, located in the upper part of the brain, the of the brain that takes longer to mature.

The brain is made up of four parts, differentiating between the upper zone and the lower zone. The upper zone is a more evolved brain and gives us a broader perspective of life. Thoughts, imagination and planning are developed in this area. The lower brain deals with basic functions (such as breathing and blinking), innate reactions and impulses (such as fight or flight), and basic emotions (such as fear and anger). It is the most primitive area of the brain, which does not take into account the feelings of others.

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June 30, 2020January 11, 2023

I am a teenager, should I know what my vocation is?

Consider by "vocation" what Ken Robinson, an expert in the development of human potential, considers "The Element". Your vocation or element would be that which converges between what you like to do and what you are good at (your talents).

Why is it important to know your calling or element? Knowing your calling or element is vital to understanding who you are and what you can do with your life.

It is the best way to find a job that satisfies you. The evidence is in current studies: more than 80% of people are not satisfied with their work. Do you want to be one of them?

We find ourselves in a volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous VUCA environment. We are living in a technological and social revolution, with changes in business models, changes in the way we relate to each other, and in general in the way we live. Oxford University estimates that 47% of current jobs will be gone in 20 years.

In this context of uncertainty and constant change, the way to ensure satisfaction in our lives is develop our element, what we are good at and like to do. This will allow us to put passion and effort into achieving our goals, differentiating ourselves from others, and that is what will lead to success..

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